Home slice

It’s been a crazy couple weeks since the post-Christmas hospital mayhem with hospital stays and infections and wound cleaning/packing/wrapping/antibiotics/fluids/pee bottles, okay, you get the picture. Shade’s been a trouper through the process. The boy never complains, though he does make me wash my hands a lot. I’m a scratcher.

Ready for bed on the comfy couch.

For the past weeks, Shade’s slept down stairs on our comfy couch, which is usually my nap paradise because it’s thick and comfy and it sucks you in like you’re Boba Fett gobbled by a Sarlacc. (Nerd alert!) The couch’s only downfall is that it’s a bit “sucky.” It feeds on left socks and remote controls, and there’s hidden candy corns down there from Halloween 2009. And if you’re looking for your iPhone, it’s eaten a few of those, too.

We’re not sure why, but our homebound nurse care and therapies got cut. We’ve been doing therapy and wrapping his wounds ourselves on the comfy couch. Good job Arianny and Aitza are nurses. If you didn’t know, Aitza was a surgical nurse in Venezuela. She worked in plastic surgery. And Arianny follows in Mami’s footsteps. Her visit with us lasted a week. Together they made up a good schedule of cleaning and changing Shade’s open leg wound, while I gave them cheers and moral support and occasionally gagged because gross. I’m no nurse. I’m the guy that will make you a cup of tea while you’re squirting saline into that open muscle and mopping up any effluence. I call that Nurse Porn. Arianny and Aitza are always talking about the grossest stuff they experienced in hospitals, especially during dinner. I cover my ears and go, la la la, as they’ll regale an audience about the adventures of flushing an impacted colon while scooping from a plate of seven-layer bean dip. Or the time the had to remove a massive cockroach burrowed deep in a lady’s eardrum. Hwork!

But I had to overcome my fickle gorge and man up, because on January 5, Nurse Angel Arianny left for home in NYC, so Aitza took over and trained me with Wound Tending 101. I gloved up while she opened the packs of gauze and sterilized the tweezer. Shade’s right thigh now has a two-inch open gash that has exposed muscle but it’s healing up from the inside out as per doctor’s orders. It’s closed up a lot so far. You can see the healing day by day. Aitza had me remove, clean and repack, gauze and wrap the wound.

Oh, yeah, Aitza turned 35 again.

Then it’s goodbye Nurse Angel Aitza as she lollygags in London. Actually, it’s a work thing. On January 8, she was sent to the home office back in the UK for an important spy mission or something. So Nurse Vincent is on the job. I haven’t screwed up yet, which is good.

But back to the “no homecare” thing from before – Aitza’s been trying to get the homecare here and she was told that the homecare was revoked. We’re in a tornado of calls to various doctors and nurses and social services and (shudder) insurance to get the homecare and therapies reinstated. Yay, fun with bureaucracy.

Forgive the mess. We’re remodeling, too! Like we don’t have our plate full already.

Meanwhile, while waiting for Mami to come home, Shade and I have been sitting on the comfy couch, eating pizza and fried chicken and watching educational films like From Dusk to Dawn and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Ni! Ni! Ni! (Nerd Alert!)