Ear worms

It’s 3 a.m. and I can’t sleep. I’ve had recurring insomnia for a month now. It’s distressing. I am plagued with ear worms, those endlessly repeating melodies that drill into your brain, muddle your thoughts, and wake you in the middle of the night, or worse, don’t let you fall asleep period. And they’re awful songs, too. A man could lose his mind hearing “Gangnam Style” 50,000 times inside his skull. Why can’t I have Radiohead stuck in my noggin? I’m currently listening to Classical music to try and scour the toxic tunes from my mind. It’s not working though. That obnoxious Korean pop star’s “Op Op-op-op Op” is clown dancing on the melodic notes and crushing them underfoot.

Part of the issue is I’m now taking anti-depressants. I haven’t felt the same since Shade’s situation, having intense feelings of depression and lethargy and irritability, so I decided to try a chemical route. The good thing is I am feeling calmer. The bad thing is the medicine exacerbated my insomnia. Now I’m exhausted but I have a feeble smile on my face.

However, the kids and Aitza have noticed a change in my mood for the better. The boys said I haven’t been a drill sergeant lately. I guess that’s possibly worth risking insanity through lack of sleep. However, I fear I’m going to become Tyler Durden. Anyone up for joining my anarchist, anti-establishment, basement Fight Club? Multiple personalities and delusional schizophrenics welcome.

This past weekend, I took the kids on the first Indian Guides camp out of the season at Warren Willis campgrounds in Fruitland. My brother Darren came out, too, with son Brody for his first camp out ever. They’re hooked. How could they not be?  Indian Guides is the best father/son program on the planet.

The area where we camped was fairly grassy, so Shade managed well in his chair. I rarely felt like he was left out of events because of his limited movement. Not that it was easy. I ended up pushing him a few miles back and forth over rough terrain, and by Sunday morning, my thighs were aching. Put that in your video, P90X!

Shade showed off his new trick during the weekend. I helped him stand and then held him by the hands while he bent his knees and then leaped in the air. He cleared about a foot. His landings were a bit rough, and he often sank down to his knees, but he would pull himself back up and do it over and over. Since he first tried it on Saturday, he keeps saying to me, “Let’s jump, dad.”

Many of the kids and dads we camped with hadn’t seen Shade in a while and remarked on how well he was doing since the last time they saw him. Often I don’t see the progress because he makes small incremental improvements on a daily basis, but that gap of a few months made a huge difference to our fellow campers. That gives me hope for future progress. I can feel that he’s nearing crutches mode. Once he’s up on his feet, there will be no stopping him.

I’m going to try to sleep again. I’ve got some Handel playing and the ear worm seems to have taken a nap. Perhaps Baroque music is the cure to the ear worm.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Kathleen Jensen
    Oct 10, 2012 @ 08:31:46

    Yay for Jumping!!! I look forward to seeing more of that! Love you guys!


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