Medaling in Obliviousness

I’m watching Olympic synchronized swimming with Aitza. It’s freakish. The nose plugs alone make me cringe. They make the athletes look like mutant aquatic bat-humans. Aitza created her own Olympi-vision, which involves watching the sports in fast forward. You get more sports in half the time and you don’t have to listen to the incessant drivel spouted by the announcers. It’s also more exciting because the athletes are twice as fast. Man, can Usain Bolt run in Olympi-vision!

So while we were watching the Russian robots thrash about with perfect underwater double-speed scissor kicks, I made the mistake of asking Aitza for the notes on what to write about for the blog. I have memory issues. I wouldn’t doubt if my brain was dipping its proverbial toe in the Olympic-sized pool of dementia. I do have Alzheimer’s disease as a genetic legacy. My Nan had it. So I write down notes in a notebook, and then promptly forget where the notebook is. This gives Aitza free reign to point out all my memory flaws. “How does someone forget what he’s going to write about? How does someone forget where he put the notebook where he wrote the notes so he would remember what to write about?” Hey lady! If I wanted to be ragged on 24/7, I’d get a wife! Ummmmm.

So now we’re watching the equestrian horse jumping, which reminds me of Shade on his horse. (Who needs a stupid notebook?) Last time Shade was riding his long-faced buddy, Ivan, he became a bit dizzy. Sandy from LifeSkills was with him, giving him support, along with three other assistants, so he wasn’t going to topple. Sandy said that the dizziness comes from Shade’s brain recognizing the movements and making new connections. From what she describes, it’s a good sign for healing. Not so good if he’s show jumping though.

We just watched the Grenadian (doesn’t Grenadine sound better for the nationality?), Karani James, win the Men’s 400, which reminds me of Shade’s other exercise achievements. His YMCA trainers and his rehab physical therapists said that Shade displayed a lot more core strength last week. Perhaps the exercise is paying off.

Still, his strength is sapped by his Kryptonite: lack of naps. He might have a six pack that you could chop wood on (not an Olympic event), but without his nap, the only physical activity he excels in is marathon crankiness. (1,000 meter kayak is on. Oh yeah, that reminds me…) I took Shade to the YMCA today because his rehab was cancelled. I figured I would get him on the erg, which is the hip term for a rowing machine. After all, Shade used to be on the OARS rowing team in Windermere. (Not quite kayak, but close enough.) However, I had been warned by PT Melody to take it easy on the erg machine and to break the exercise down into its various parts. So I explained to Shade that he would first try just doing the legs and then just the arms, until he got his rhythm down. The complaints started to pour out of him like pool water out of an Olympic diver’s nostrils. “I used to row! This is stupid! This isn’t motivating!” and so on. I explained to him how he needed to break it down so he didn’t hurt himself. He started whining like a jaded Twitter addict complaining about NBC tape delays. In total, we were in the YMCA about 15 minutes before I bustled him back into the car. Then after a nap at home, he scooched over to me and said, “I’ve had a nap, I’ve pet my kitty, and now I’m ready to work out.” So we did a half hour of push ups and leg lifts and stretching with no complaints. Obviously, I will not be medaling in Olympic Patience or Awareness, though I think I’ve got a good chance for gold in the Long-Term Forgetfulness and Broad Insensibility.

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